Shadow...

As I know, I always think that I am a shadow of someone...am I? people think this way and that. I always get compared...and I feel....shadowed somehow...sigh.

They love me, they love me not

Parents, what do they think about everyday? Bills, money, jobs, and all that other crap. They usually worry about thier children and love them. I have parents who loved me and worried about me, but am I loved anymore? I feel like I am just pushed aside for nothing now, Surrounded in emptiness. I look around and see my happy times with my parents. Now all I see are people that take care of me instead of the most dearest to me. I cry. Tears come out of my eyes like little bundles of saddness that are demolished once my hand wipes through them. When I was little I always cried when I get yelled at. But for the last couple of years I didn't since my sister said, "Noooooo they only yell at you because they care for you." I believed that for a while, now not anymore. I don't believe those fairytales anymore....I don't.

...

Today is a wierd day. I cried two times. I cannot tell you of what reason even though I really want too. I feel like crying again. I look up through the window and asked, what are tears for? People might answer, "Oh, because they're sad and they cry." That answer is not enough for me. I need a real answer and good one that shows why people cry. No scietific reasonings on how the eye and blah blah blah. Those reasonings are usless to me. I want to know how tears circle around life, how they cooperate with each other. I wonder how life even works now, why can't it be like friends and family live happily ever after like a fairy tale? Even though life can never be like that, I know. I really think that life does come with a bargain. It depends on if youa accept the bargain or not. The bargain is not always good, it is different for everyone. Some people have a bargain that contains a happy and loving family and friends that support you every step of your way, while some other people don't have such a great bargain. I feel like that I amvery lucky to have all of this around me. All this happiness surrounding me. But today I feel something different about sister. She has bigger resposibility than me. I never noticed until now how tired she is trying to keep this resposibility, while she does all the hard work I do nothing but keep asking her for more and more. I just realized that I am a lazy girl. Now I realized that my parents aren't liking my sister better, but helping her more becuase she is more tired than me. I just realized that my parents don't want me to be a shadow of my sister, but just to know her more so I can work along with her and share the heavy bundle with her so she won't be carrying this heavy responsibility forever until she one day falls asleep and never wake again...
I don't want that to happen. I have realized how tired she is how sad she is how trapped she is without any freedom. I just realized in all these years.... 12 years, it took me 12 years....

TVXQ fanz!~

Join atheopiea!!!
Websites to go to:
Soompi.com
DBSKer.blogspot.com
random-fanatics.blogspot.com

I cant remember ani thing else....gahhhh I SHALL UPDATE :D

Saturday HW

so damn bored. There is nothing to do,but stare at the hw and dread it and puke >< I WANNA DIE. I mean seriously, the only thing I want for christmas now is a person who can do my hw and let me learn at the same time. But seriously the most hw I need help on is chinese, if there is anyone willing to help please contact: babii_virgo912@yahoo.com, and please no spamming, or chain letters, or you will be regretting it >:D

Boredness prevails

I am soooo bored, and so much hw help me world!!!! I AM BURIED IN HW!!

I AM GOIN TO PHILI!!

About 44 more days until I go to phili with mai friends. I am hoping to room with Kimmy, Sundy, and Vivian. I am really excited and worried. We will go shopping for Junkfood bfore the day of the trip I CANT WAIT!!!